Happiness Isn't the Default
Nobody is happy all of the time and thinking that you should be is extremely dangerous because that leads to a fear of sadness or any negative emotion. And if you are constantly afraid of losing your happiness, are you ever truly happy?
It's just as important to allow yourself to feel sad when you are sad. Saying “I’m fine” when you’re not, smiling through the pain and trying to “fake it ‘til you make it” can only take you so far because this only feeds the part of you that knows you aren’t OK until it’s too big to ignore and therefore harder to control.
Life is all about making mistakes and learning from them and so constantly being afraid of making them is possibly the biggest mistake of all.
It's just as important to allow yourself to feel sad when you are sad. Saying “I’m fine” when you’re not, smiling through the pain and trying to “fake it ‘til you make it” can only take you so far because this only feeds the part of you that knows you aren’t OK until it’s too big to ignore and therefore harder to control.
Life is all about making mistakes and learning from them and so constantly being afraid of making them is possibly the biggest mistake of all.
Happiness isn’t the default. Instead, strive towards contentment and an improved ability to handle the hard times, rather than an unattainable state of dream-like ecstasy, free from problems and pain.
It's not just about being able to admit that you're hurting but it's also about allowing yourself to feel the hurt. True contentment isn’t just happiness, it’s sadness and anger and doubt and regret and mistakes too. It’s the positive in a peaceful partnership with the negative. So, ignoring the things that hurt you or removing parts of yourself will only make you feel less whole, even if they are the negative parts.
“Wholeness is what we ought to be striving for and part of that is sadness, disappointment, frustration, failure; all of those things which make us who we are.” - Hugh Mackay
Every time life seems to be going smoothly I find myself mentally preparing for things to go wrong because you can’t have a ‘good day’ without bad days, right? And in a way, I would end up sabotaging myself. And I know I’m not the only one who does this. It’s like you’re used to a certain level of happiness and when it starts to surpass that level you begin to feel uncomfortable or unworthy. But you are just as entitled to happiness as anyone else.
There is no such thing as ‘complete happiness’ because happiness itself is made of its counterparts; sadness, anger, disappointment and other negative emotions.
And there are no ‘good’ or ‘bad’ days, life isn’t that black and white. Every ‘good’ day has its problems and in every ‘bad’ day you can find a glimmer of positivity if you look hard enough, even if it’s just the hope that the next day will be better.
Having a ‘good day’ shouldn’t be accompanied by the pressure for the next day to be better. Success shouldn’t be accompanied by a fear of future failure.
Although we may not welcome sadness and failure we should acknowledge them as reminders that we’re alive, that we’re still here. And when we do that, when we allow ourselves to be imperfect, we become less afraid of living. We allow ourselves to take risks and have experiences because it’s better to take chances than resign ourselves to a certain misery. Being familiar with pain doesn’t mean that you deserve it.
Although we may not welcome sadness and failure we should acknowledge them as reminders that we’re alive, that we’re still here. And when we do that, when we allow ourselves to be imperfect, we become less afraid of living. We allow ourselves to take risks and have experiences because it’s better to take chances than resign ourselves to a certain misery. Being familiar with pain doesn’t mean that you deserve it.
-Ram Dass
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